Hello Free Rangers,
Many of you have asked what has happened to our harrowing tales from the retail floor, and while I’d like to say that the pandemic has mellowed and everyone is kinder and more attentive in here, that is very much not the scenario. As always, the flow of neighborhood friends (two and four legged alike), continues to get us through the tougher days. But let’s talk about one particular case study in an impressively oblivious guy who is so dense that he doesn’t seem to realize that there are only 3 primary dudes who work the majority of our open hours these days (Derek, Connor, and yours truly), and that all 3 of us were here the night he called 3 times trying to get us to deliver to his brownstone for an order below our $50 minimum. When it didn’t go his way, he got pissy on the phone with Derek and said he would take his business elsewhere. Given the absurd nature of his very first visit with us (in three narcissistic acts- and a story for another time), this was fine with us, and Derek uncharacteristically told him so. Unfortunately, he has been back 4 or 5 times since. Let me take you back to a dark and stormy night….
That ridiculous quote in the subject line is from our villain’s hero, Matthew McConaughey, though it sounds more like something Sphinx would have said in Mystery Men. And the Google tells me that those same words were previously attributed to Jungian Analyst, Robert A. Johnson. Regardless, it was this encouragement toward confrontation that instigated these particular floodgates to finally burst. Well, that and Derek upon hearing me bitch at this dude’s jackass behavior, pointed out said quote in Rayner’s twitter feed. Although he was feeling so inspired that he missed the typo and forgot the period in said tweet. But when one is Loaded with Curiosity and Enthusiasm, you can’t get bogged down with like punctation and syntax and stuff, man. I don’t need a compass to know which way the wind shines.
So, it was the second or third consecutive day/night in that last string of cold and wet days here in Brooklyn, toward the tail end of a fairly rough, emotional rollercoaster of a shift, when the phone rang. “Oh no,” said Connor deadpan, holding out the phone, revealing the caller ID. “You don’t have to pick it up, if you don’t want to, my man,” I replied, “totally up to you.” Being kinder and more responsible than I, he answered, and as could be expected, like so many, this good deed would not go unpunished. Rayner knew exactly what he wanted, but had wrong information about every part of it. Connor talked him through it fairly quickly, then had to once again (6th time now?) state that we have a $50 minimum for delivery (even when it isn’t cold out and pouring rain). Connor took down his credit card info over the phone, so Rayner didn’t have to hurt his delicate fingers navigating the website, entered it manually, and politely said that he’d be over soon. I offered to make the delivery run, but Connor insisted, layered up, and I wished him luck. I assumed that there would be no tip for him, which of course there wasn’t. Apparently this wasn’t enough of a slight against the fellow who had just politely taken his cumbersome phone order, and dashed through the storm to bring him his bottles. After ringing the bell, there was along pause. The door opened, and while apologizing to whoever was on the other end of his phone call, Rayner snatched the bag away, without eye contact or a single word, and closed the door in Connor’s face. Then this poor kid returned to the shop and had to talk me down from stomping back over there and pounding on that same door myself to explain that I’m sorry his folks didn’t teach him how to treat people better, but this is not how you’ll disrespect any member of our team ever again. And I’d apologize for this public confrontation, Rayney-boy, but I wouldn’t want you to lose your chance at unity. Whatever the hell that cr@p means.
Stay tuned, Free Rangers, for the upcoming prequel, chronicling our exhausting very first contact with this particular peach, entitled Rayner’s Cherries. Pun(s) intended. #WordPlay
And now, this:
Time Is On Our Side: Ten Years a Charm
This week’s online exclusive deal features our latest barrel acquisition, Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 10yr, which was at 9 years when we tasted and selected it, but then celebrated it’s 10th birthday while awaiting an available spot in the bottling queue at Heaven Hill in Bardstown. It just hit the shelf at $49, but is available to you via the link below, this week only at $39.
If you’d like to double up with our previous 10yr, you’ll find that Vertical 2-pack below at $78, instead of the retail price of $98.
And for those who want to get in on the Double Vertical 6-pack, with a Toasted Barrel kicker, at $225 (retail $310) it includes one bottle each of these:
* Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 10yr (2022)
* Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 10yr (2021)
* Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 8yr (2022)
* Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 8yr Warehouse N (2021)
* Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 8yr Warehouse X (2021)
* Elijah Craig Toasted Barrel Bourbon
Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 10yr
sale: $39 retail: $49
Elijah Craig Free Range Single Barrel Bourbon 10yr Vertical 2-pack
sale: $78 retail: $98
Elijah Craig Bourbon Double Vertical 6-pack sale: $225 retail: $310
10yr 2-pack
8yr 3-pack
Elijah Craig Toasted Barrel
(!) Click here for hidden sale page (!)
*** Online exclusive! ***
*** This week only! ***
“Don’t take any shit from anybody!” – Billy Joel
Cheers,
Jack
Proprietor
Free Range Wine & Spirits
P.S. Free Range E-mail Archive
