Ya Know Free Rangers,
Having the words is never the issue. It’s finding the time and space such that the notions achieve escape velocity from the gravity of it all. This is becoming the chore. And as chores are by definition time consuming, how does one manipulate accessible parameters to create and/or locate time? Dr. deGrasse Tyson? It also doesn’t help when there’s a loud giant screaming about some terrible product that we’ll absolutely never carry, who repeated himself so loudly and aggressively that I had to show him the door, and get in his giant face to prevent him from coming back in to continue his TED talk on the finer points of how not to behave in public. Even if you did just take a class in business administration, that’s not what the word ‘marginalize’ means. The term you were groping after is ‘profit per unit’, which also didn’t apply in context. But seriously, if you go into a small boutique shop seeking one product in the whole world, just skip the part where you proselytize for it. Nobody cares, especially if you don’t care to know about what we actually do carry (and why). This our 13th year in business, and we’ve been doing quite well without you and your pathetic flavor of the minute high proof canned disaster.
Dig if you will a picture of a real life Shrek in cut-off casual wear and a monsoon season’s afternoon funk- bellowing at full volume in disbelief that we don’t carry a 20% abv can of chemically flavored death for $3. He was pitching as if trying for a spot on some self debasement reality show (that didn’t get picked up by the network). I stopped him three times- finally with a stern, “I know the product. We’re not going to carry it,” before walking away while he continue undeterred. After taking a case down to the cellar and returning with another for the shelf, Shrek was still at it, leaning into the sales counter, gleefully barking nonsense at my guys.
When I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to leave, he insisted that I could’t stop him from talking to his new friends behind the sales counter. But my stunned team also hated him- Brett gently suggested, “you don’t have to be so rude,” which is his version of blowing up at somebody– and I proved Shrek wrong about not being able to stop him, escorting him to the door. Pulling out my phone to record, and physically blocking his re-entry, I stated, “You have been asked to leave. You are no longer welcome here! Do you understand?” So, he pulled out his phone, and said, “I’ve got you too. I’ve been recording this whole time. Tiktok.” But he didn’t seem to understand that only one of us was currently engaged in criminal trespassing (which was the point of my quick video). Gotta have footage for a police report, moron. Who are you going to show yours to, your mom? Am I going to be uninvited to dinner? … It’s freakin’ chaos out there, kids. Good luck to us all.
There’s a FREE in-store tasting on Thursday, as always, I think we’re showing some Rebholz Riesling and such, maybe something by Coturri? I dunno. Who can keep up. I’ve opened and closed so many consecutive shifts here that I legitimately had to look at a calendar to see what day it is. But whatever we are showing, something tasty will be pouring FREE on Thursday from 5-7pm. Those bottles will also be available that day in-store at 10% off. Come hang out with us if you’re in the neighborhood that evening.
Not be outdone, the Sale of sales is still a thing! New items are bing added as I type. I think we’ve got some Black Maple Hill Rye going up soon at the best price in town, and a bunch more cellar selections. Big thanks, and congrats to, John H who put together the coolest selections of the week from the big list. It’s crazy how many bottles are still available there either at the lowest price in town (state, country, and/or world) or completely unavailable anywhere else on Earth. Still so many cherries to be picked, as the tree continues to grow (to run with that metaphor).
Check out the full list of wine & spirits on sale here:
(!) Click here for Sale of Sales (!)
Cheers,
Jack
Proprietor
Free Range Wine & Spirits
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