The Big Whiskey Sale (ONLINE ONLY) and FREE Via Carota Craft Cocktails tasting Thursday!
*|MC:SUBJECT|*
*|MC_PREVIEW_TEXT|*
Hello Free Rangers,
It’s been a wealth of riches amongst nominations for the everyday jackasses awards, here at street level these days. Shall we go with last week’s tiny dad-man who wonders won’t someone please think of the children(!) for which I’ve already got copious notes, or the freshest and first-est whiskey bro momma, the viscosity of whose presence just left a sixty-four foot caterpillar trail from the whiskey rack to the door? … They’re all just so exhausting.
A young man walks in with his (clearly wealthy, likely never worked a day in her life) mother. The kid asks if “you ever get” any Fortaleza besides the Blanco and Derek tells him we have the Repo as well, and points to it priced on the wall the guy is staring at, telling him the fee. “Oh,” he says, and moves on. They both decline further eye contact and conversation, pawing at the whiskey shelf, wondering things out lout rather than asking any questions. I overhear Mom say something about looking for things they’ve never seen before. As the pair is standing in front of the wall containing 5 different heirloom single varietal Roknar Rye(s) by Far North, and around the corner from a rack of our exclusive single barrels, my foolish heart feels optimism and I pop into the conversation to explain that we have many more products than we have shelf space to display them, and that many spots on the whiskey shelf are tripled and quadrupled up, as listed on the tags, which I point out. She looks at me as though I’ve just threatened the life of her cat in Greek, as readily receptive to input as a Sinclair ZX80.
After a long, audibly dumb meander, they work their way back to the counter and start asking about big name expensive stuff. I gently explain that they are standing in some of the highest priced real estate in the world, in the most rabid whiskey collector market in the country and that this isn’t the place to look for a bargain on the world’s most sought after bottles, which Mom follows with a flippant, “What about Pappy?” And I reiterate the previous point which is again ignored. “Sure,” I tell her, “If you’ve got two grand, I’ve got a Pappy 15 for you.” She is shocked and appalled, “I’ve heard of $1700 but never $2000.” I tell them that we buy our own barrels so that we can always have super rare (exclusive!) bottles at reasonable prices, and I point out our current releases. They don’t actually acknowledge me or respond to any of these thoughts, and Mom immediately starts pointing to our exclusive bottles telling the kid that she knows these as well, at which point I jump in again.
“I know it looks like regular old Elijah Craig Bourbon, but this is an 11 Year Single Barrel that isn’t available anywhere else in the world,” pointing to the label and spokesmodeling the neck tag displaying the name of our shop, “So unless you’ve had it from this shop before, you have never seen or tasted any of these bottles.” She turns back toward me as if I’ve just gleefully desecrated the graves of her (extremely white) ancestors, and chirps, “Well, that’s good information to have,” with preternaturally honed sarcasm. Like Lady Olenna Tyrell, but without any of the underlying charm or humor. Apparently this bittersweet motel had been shuttered to new information for many moons, and a lotta water runs under the briefest frozen stare before she dramatically turns and flees for the exit, and her little boy follows.
In retrospect, I should’ve just called her bluff and offered her the Pappy 15 at $1700. Either would’ve made a quick sale or gotten out of the conversation with the moral and quantitative high ground. But 50-whatever years into this real thing I call life, it’s still a live and learn M.O. around these parts (unknown). She had deflected every attempt at communication so effectively that I never ever got to the usual, “And as always, we save our rarest bottles and best prices for those on our e-mail list.” (More on that below!) It’s just as well. She’s not worthy. Hopefully her kid will come back another time and check us out on his own time and dime. Maybe he won’t. We’re not for everybody. …
Now, this week’s FREE in-store tasting is with local purveyors, Via Carota Craft Cocktails, who bottle some of the most delicious and balanced single serving libations currently available. So, please join us this Thursday, May 28th (5-7pm), for FREE tastes of Via Carota Spritz, Via Carota French 75, and Via Carota Espresso Martini (in two sizes). As always, enjoy 10% off all of the above in-store on tasting day only!
And, in honor of that charming lady from above not being on the e-mail list, here’s an absolutely absurd whiskey sale list for all of you who are here with us (thanks, as always, for that)! Here you’ll find some of the best prices of the year on 25 of the most popular and sought after whiskeys we own (including a few smaller producers)! Weller and Willett and Blanton’s, oh my! Any discounts that look lighter than others are likely that way as our regular price is already amongst the best in town (if not on Earth). Check it out below!
* While there are no specific limits, we reserve the right to retroactively curb numbers if you get too froggy on any one bottle.
